It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Mom said you looked used
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
