There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
