i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
