I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
