Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
