R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
