I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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