Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
