help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
