Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
