just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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