i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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