Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
