problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
