How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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