He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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