TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
