I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
