I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Pants are for mortals
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
