Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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