Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
