OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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