she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
