She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you win again, gameday.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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