I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
