Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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