I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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