dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
