halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dicks are not precious.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
