i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
