Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
