xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
