I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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