I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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