I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize