TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
