cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
