last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
