i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
