It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
