It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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