capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She even gives head with a lisp.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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