Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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