New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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