I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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