I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
