..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
