Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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