Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
