Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
