I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
