My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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