I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
