Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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