textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
