I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
