Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
