Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize