It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
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i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
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This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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