I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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