my phone needs a breathalizer
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
