Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
