Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
