Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
