just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
