Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
