Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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