So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
