I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
