I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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