i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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